“I think my husband is a better parent than me.”
This statement I made to my friend had nothing to do with how quickly I rushed away from a soccer tournament game to get to the Salt-n-Pepa concert or the top shelf margarita I enjoyed as soon as I arrived. It came from a moment of clarity as I watched my husband follow through with one of the kids in a time when it would’ve been easier to just give in. In a time that I would have probably given in.
My friend was quick to tell me I was wrong. That different parenting styles is what makes things work well. That I wasn’t setting both of my children up to be individuals who had no idea how to function in society. I heard her and appreciated her being the friend who was there to remind me that no one is perfect when it comes to motherhood, but I wasn’t quite sure her words were true. After all, I was doing so much wrong.
- I parent my son and daughter differently. I hold them to different standards in different situations.
- I deliver punishments that aren’t near as stringent as those my husband delivers.
- I pick my battles in times when it’s easier to overlook something than it is to push an issue because some days it feels like there are nothing but issues.
- I parent emotionally vs. practically in so many ways.
- I say things like “that’s just how they are” or “they’re just kids” because it makes me feel better about the choices they sometimes make.
As all the reasons why I was a bad parent and my husband was a good one swirled around my head, the lights dimmed and Rob Base took the stage at the above mentioned concert. Not only did he come to get down that night, but he also came to impart a little bit of unexpected wisdom into my life – It does, in fact, take two to make a thing go right.
- I parent my son and daughter differently because, as a female, I relate to my daughter in a different way. I know that no matter what she decides to do, she will have to work a little bit harder. She needs my husband in a different way than she needs me. Our relationship will ebb and flow as mothers and daughters are prone to do, but her dad will set the tone for what she expects from a man as she grows into a woman.
- I offer grace in punishments probably more than I should, and my husband jumps to the extreme probably more than he should. Together, we land somewhere in the middle which is a comfortable place to be.
- Yes, I pick my battles. I always will. I’m a working mom who refuses to spend all of the time I have with my kids, who are growing up way too fast, battling with them over things that don’t matter. I might not always get this right, but I will continue to try.
- My emotional parenting can sometimes cloud my judgement, but it’s also what makes me a good mother. I feel their pain, sadness, happiness, and fears which is the hardest part of being a mom, but I try to know when it’s time to turn that all off and just do my job raising them no matter how hard that might be.
- “That is just how they are” and “they are just kids” are things I remember daily, but I also try to remember that I can’t use that as an excuse. I tell them the things they need to work on and tell them all the times “being just who I am” has gotten me into trouble. I hope to help them turn “that’s just who they are” into “they accepted who they are, strengths and faults, and made a difference in the world.”
Just as I offer my children grace at times, I offered myself a little grace as a mother and became very thankful for the fact that my husband picks up where I fall short and vice versa and that I don’t have to do this alone. While I relived the 90’s in spectacular glory after a particularly rough week of being a mom, wife, and employee, my husband took care of all the details. Not in the way I would have, but in his own version of the perfect way.
