My Child’s Teacher Doesn’t “Get” My Gifted Student

The biggest misconception about gifted children is that they are always a joy to teach and are typically successful in the classroom. This is untrue. Gifted children can be obstinate, confusing, too emotional, too energetic, and too talkative. They oftentimes do not find success in the classroom because of boredom, lack of follow through, slow processing speed, executive functioning weaknesses, or learning differences.

Classroom DifferentiationTeachers can find gifted students exhausting. Sometimes, gifted students ask questions that teachers cannot answer; this is especially difficult for a new teacher or one without sufficient skills. Gifted students sometimes simply require more energy from the teacher and today’s teachers are pretty overburdened as it is.

Gifted students can be so emotional and difficult, oftentimes stubborn. They can be difficult to teach for other reasons, for example, they can be at many learning levels at once. Asynchronous learners can be difficult to teach because they might do math at one level and reading at a totally different level, or even more confusing, say within math, word problems on one grade level and math calculations on a different grade level.

A gifted student might come home and tell the parents that the teacher doesn’t like him. The parents might also get the feeling, from interactions with the teacher or from other correspondence, like emails, that the teacher doesn’t “get” the child. This is really common and can be heartbreaking. Gifted students can feel lonely anyway, so being even out of sync with the teacher can enhance that lonely feeling.

What is a parent to do?

It really depends on the situation.

My suggestions assume that the level of school work is at least nearly appropriate to the gifted learner. If not, then finding appropriately challenging coursework needs to be the first step.

  • If the teacher seems well meaning but just doesn’t “get” her, I would start with a conversation about what giftedness means. Very few teachers have any training at all in gifted students and their needs. If a teacher understands why the student acts the way she does, it might be less frustrating for her to deal with it. I would refer the teacher to articles from the NAGC and SENG. Here are a couple of good ones:

Common Gifted Education Myths http://www.nagc.org/commonmyths.aspx

The “resources” page from SENG http://www.sengifted.org/resources

My favorite book about gifted kids seems like it is really just about twice exceptionality, but, it actually explores the whole gifted world. It is called The Misdiagnosis and Dual Diagnosis of Gifted Children and Adults by Webb and other authors.

  • If there is something manageable that the child can change, find out what it could be. I know that this makes it sound like I am blaming the child, but I’m not. The teacher/child relationship has give and take, and so does the parent/teacher relationship. Offering to find ways to alleviate the situation might be helpful. For example, if the child is fidgeting nonstop, would a stress ball help focus the child and relieve the teacher’s annoyance? If the student raises his hand every time the teacher asks a question and this interferes with the flow of the class, is there a way for him to raise it every other time, instead? If he acts in a disrespectful way when he is bored, talk about appropriate challenge and appropriate quiet activities to alleviate the boredom, like being allowed to journal or work on a computer program while he waits for others to finish.
  • Tell the teacher that the student feels lonely and not liked by the teacher. This alone might be helpful. Teachers sometimes don’t understand that their body language or words can come off as so hurtful to a student.

Follow up all parent/teacher conversations with an email. The email should thank the teacher for her time and reiterate what was discussed and what the next steps are.

If all else fails, you might need to consider the following:

  1. Request that the child be moved to another classroom. Sometimes the teacher/student relationship just isn’t a good fit, but another teacher might really enjoy your child. Contact your school’s administration. Don’t blame the teacher; use language like “good fit” instead of complaining about her.
  2. Move schools. Sometimes, depending on the size and philosophy of the school, it is necessary to move schools, if possible. Jacksonville has many alternatives. Montessori schools, small and larger private schools, and neighborhood schools can all be great choices. Duval county has many magnet school alternatives, as well, especially at the middle and high school levels.
  3. Homeschool. I know that this sounds really foreign and scary, but homeschooling can be a great temporary or  long term solution.

You might find that it isn’t as scary as it seems. For us, it has been a wonderful alternative.

Lynn Marlowe
Lynn is an advocate working with children, parents, teachers, and administrators to provide answers to the many questions raised in educating gifted and twice exceptional children. She also works with families who wish to homeschool. After obtaining her MA in history from NYU, she worked in K-12 education as a high school history teacher, an elementary and middle school substitute, an elementary ESL teacher, and an adult ESL teacher before teaching college both in brick and mortar classrooms and online. Faculty positions have included Los Angeles City College, Pasadena City College, American Public University System, and several more. She has also written and/or edited several publications including the GRE History Review, SAT Subject Test Guide in History,and the GED Social Studies Guide for the Research and Education Association. Having been in K-12 and college classrooms for over 20 years, she was plunged into the world of gifted and 2E education by the journey she took with her own children. This included working with schools to accommodate the children and homeschooling. As a gifted advocate, she has been working with families and teachers for several years and has taken multiple graduate and continuing education courses in gifted and 2E issues. These courses have included topics on intensities in gifted children, acceleration, underachievement, perfectionism, anti-intellectualism, executive functioning, and specific curricula for gifted children. She has also attended conferences in gifted education and the needs of gifted people.

2 COMMENTS

  1. Hello Lynn – I have been researching gifted testing in our area and happily came across your article from 2013 on gifted children. I would very much appreciate your recommendation for a private tester. My daughter is about to turn five and appears to have an eidetic memory, coupled with a high level of logic and reasoning for her age (she must get this from her father – wink). Any guidance would be very much appreciated.
    Lisa

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