Surrendering to “YES”!

My name is Jeanine, and I’m a recovering “No-aholic.” My husband might disagree, but besides sweets and “New With Tags” deals, not many things get me stuck. Like countless other moms, I’m constantly trying to achieve that perfect balance between a busy career, a happy marriage, healthy eating & exercise, maintaining a clean home, and keeping my children entertained and stimulated –all while looking fabulous! What pressure!

I’m not a drinker, and I’ve never smoked, but I confess that I’m a recovering “NO-aholic” mom. The issue got to a problematic level when my second son, Jackson, was about two and a half. It felt like our house was always full of chaos. It seemed as though my two busy boys, who are three years apart, were always at each other’s throats. Wait… this wasn’t how it was supposed to be! I thought they would be “Best Buddies,” right from the beginning. At least this is how all of my Facebook posts appeared!

It did start out that way when Jackson was just an infant, with Cleveland IV being the proud, caring big brother–helping out in any way he could. (Sometimes too much!) Like the time I ran to the bathroom with Cleveland IV playing quietly on the floor and Jackson sleeping soundly in his bassinet–only to come back to find Jackson covered HEAD TO TOE in blankets! Yikes! Not only did he use Jackson’s small, lightweight baby blanket, but also EVERY blanket that he could find in the family room. He said he wanted to help me, by making sure that his little brother was “niiiice and warm” (at the end of August)!

Although I knew they loved each other to pieces, it seemed they were always fighting over everything. I began to realize during this phase, that out of my frustration, and in order to make things easier, I would just say “No”–to everything. I would sometimes subconsciously say no, even before they could utter a question. “Mom, can we have a piece of…?” “No.” “Mom, can we go in the backyard and play?” “No.” “Mom, can I help you make the cake?” “No.”

It sounds horrible, and it still makes me cringe today. Thankfully, I heard something one day that instantly woke me up. I can’t remember who said it (a magazine, a mom blog, or a tv show), but this particular mom had been going through something very similar where she was stuck in what I call, a “No” rut. It’s actually kinda easy to do when you’re in an overwhelming phase of motherhood. The solution… slow down and ask yourself, “Why not”? Why couldn’t they have one small piece of candy? Why couldn’t they play in the background for a little while? Why couldn’t they help me make the cake?

It really hit home for me. She, like me, quickly realized that saying no didn’t necessarily make me feel like I had more control over things, or feel like a better mom, or any happier! In fact, by constantly saying no, I was sabotaging the “mom life” that I had always dreamed of. Albeit not perfect by any means, many parts of my early childhood still remind me of something straight out of a Kool-Aid commercial (Kool-Aid… I know I’m dating myself). Just like most other children, I was certainly raised with limits. However, there was an unusual level of independence that my parents instilled, which gave me a sense of confidence that allowed me to grow up expecting things to go my way. This wasn’t accomplished by shutting me down with constant “No’s.” I’m in no way implying that I’ve thrown away the rule book and lifted all limits and healthy boundaries. I’m just significantly more aware of why I’m saying no.

I’ve found that when I periodically resist the urge to say no to even the oddest requests, like “Mom, can I pour a little bit of Jackson’s leftover milk into my juice?”–I end up creating a special surprise moment for all of us (I’ve come such a long way)! And why couldn’t he pour a little milk into his juice? Developing my little scientist!

I still remember the day when I truly graduated from a “recovering” no-aholic to a “recovered” no-aholic. It was the day Cleveland and Jackson convinced me to let them play in the rain in our front driveway. Like the lyrics from the movie Frozen say, I just “Let it Go” and asked myself, “Why not?” It wasn’t thundering or lightning outside, so “Why not?” The temperature was nice and warm outside, so “Why not?” Neither of them seemed to be threatening a cold, so “Why not?” That day will go down in history as one of my most magical days as a mom. The immeasurable laughter and smiles experienced compare to few things that have brought me joy. Although they both had umbrellas, of course, they managed to “mistakenly” get soaked during all of the fun. Bickering among them? Not for one moment! I suspect they were too busy enjoying the experience. In the midst of the excitement of jumping in puddles and letting raindrops land on their tongues, Cleveland IV exclaimed: “Mom, this is the BEST DAY EVER!” I agreed. It WAS the best day ever… and the beginning of many more. 🙂

It didn’t cost me a dime either. All it took was me surrendering to “YES”!

Jeanine Ferguson
Jeanine J. Ferguson is a Fort Lauderdale native who enjoys the beach life. After her husband’s career brought them to Jacksonville in 2003, she quickly fell in love with the beauty and charm of the First Coast. The joy of Jeanine’s life is being mom to two fun-loving, inquisitive boys, Cleveland IV (2009) and Jackson (2012). Passionate about all things fashion, including “New With Tags” finds and what she refers to as “Smart Style”, she’s also an avid DIYer and lover of photography. Jeanine is a proud Gator, receiving her undergraduate, masters, and specialist degrees from the University of Florida. After spending more than 10 years in regional/national sales and marketing roles for global medical device companies, in 2014 she accepted a position as the Marketing & Business Development Director for a local Jacksonville Medical Center. Jeanine also owns a Women's Online Clothing Boutique, Fourth & Jack, affectionately named after her sons. In her spare time, Jeanine enjoys spending quality time with her family, traveling, watching and attending culinary competitions, and honing her photography skills.

6 COMMENTS

  1. Yes! Children are built with the ability to just live in the moment and if us parents take the time to slow down we are rewarded with those wonderful moments that all the planning in the world can’t offer! Thank you so much for your articles, I like your style of writing and the topics 🙂

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