Thanks for All the Memories (I Can’t Remember), Facebook!

I have two giant plastic storage boxes where I keep my children’s special things. Things like their first pair of shoes, baptism certificates, baby shower invitations, ultrasound photos, Christmas cards, first birthday party photos, first class picture, preschool art projects and baby books. Over the years I have just thrown things into them, hoping one day to have the time to actually organize everything into an album, in chronological order, of course.

Except this has never happened.

Almost every day Facebook posts a “Your Memories on Facebook” picture for me.

I stare and stare at the pictures, waiting for something to click in my brain, waiting for the AHA I REMEMBER THAT! moment….and that doesn’t happen. The picture becomes the memory for me.

I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, with all that we have going on, with all that moms in general have going on, holding every detail of our children’s babyhood in our heads just becomes impossible after the endless nights of lost sleep, maybe a few too many glasses of wine, repetitive diaper changing and bottle washing and laundry and wiping up of baby food and crayon marks, detailing glitter, baths to get lollipop/peanut butter/applesauce out of hair and the crying that never seems to stop.

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Do I even remember their “firsts”? First tooth, first steps, first rolling over or sitting up or haircut? Honestly, it depends on the kid! I remember my daughter’s first haircut because her big brown eyes welled up with tears as she sat in the big chair, but not a single sound did she make as they began to roll down her cheeks. More recently, I don’t remember my son’s first haircut at all. I remember my son’s first steps because I was so shocked he walked right around his first birthday – but didn’t repeat the feat until about four months later. I don’t remember my daughter’s first steps without the video — which I have only because I happened to have the camera in my  hand and was recording her giggles for my husband, who was away, and she wanted the camera so badly she got up and walked to it, taking me completely by surprise.

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And I WANT to remember. I want to remember every sweet snuggle, every “I love you, Mama,” every sticky kiss and every time a tiny hand found mine. I want to soak it up like a sponge and have a flip book of memories stored in my brain to go through. Because every single day they are growing up and away from me, and that makes me sad. And they’re my children — shouldn’t I remember things about them that are so special? How can I forget the first time my daughter said “I love you, Mama!,” but remember the name of the boy in my college sociology class I once had a crush on?

At first I was annoyed at those “Your Memories” posts by Facebook. Now they’ve grown on me. I had forgotten this moment, when my daughter was so tired she fell asleep upright at Publix in the cart. She’d refused to nap so my husband had given up and taken her to the store instead.

It made me laugh to see that picture again.

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We’re moving to a new house now, and I’ve been cleaning out closets and going through boxes of preschool art, fingerprint flowers and footprint snowmen and I’m throwing them out. Not all of them – but a lot of it. I look at it and I can’t remember when or why they made it or it just doesn’t seem as cute anymore, and I can let it go.

I’ve started to live in the moment with them–instead of using my meager brain power to try to remember every sweet moment. That sounds so trite, but I’ve realized if I don’t enjoy the particular moment we are sharing, I’ve lost out–because I’m not going to remember it anyway!

Instead, I’ll have to rely on pictures – lots and lots of pictures – thank goodness for phone cameras – and a blog post here and there, when I have time. And those giant plastic boxes full of stuff I just can’t let go of, even though the albums are still empty!

 

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Meg Sacks
Meg is a working mom of four and an avid community volunteer. She has worked in corporate communications and media relations for more than 18 years, for a Fortune 500 company as well as a non-profit. She took some time off to enjoy life as a stay at home mom after the birth of her first child in 2008. Her sweet, introverted daughter, was excited to welcome her baby brother in 2013, and then boy/girl twins joined the family in 2016. Meg finds being an “office mama” a constant balancing act and never-ending challenge but enjoys the opportunities it offers her for personal growth. A Virginia girl at heart, she loves Florida’s warm weather, the great quality of life Jacksonville offers her family.

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