Middle Finger

As far back as I can remember expectations have been put on me. And as far back as I can remember I’ve been giving everyone the middle finger.

Why does everyone get to tell me what I should be doing with my body, my mind, my clothes, my job, my relationships, my kid, and my faith or lack thereof? Isn’t the point of the American Dream that I’m free to live my own life? With moderate exceptions can’t I make my own rules? YES. ALL DAMN DAY! YES.

Just for you, here are a few of my rules, in no particular order.

Rule 1. Boys. Get one to like you and get married.

Truthfully, I spent too much time chasing boys and relationships because I thought that was what I was supposed to do. Everyone else was. What a waste. I wish I had focused more on myself. Maybe, just maybe, it wouldn’t have taken me so long to figure out my little life.

Rule 2. Go to a really great college. Rack up an enormous amount of debt that your children will surely have to pay off for you.

I wanted to go and get a really fancy degree for photography. I could have. It just would have cost me 100k, and I didn’t have a parent who could front that. No scholarship would cover it all. So I changed that rule, went to a photography trade school, and got a simple 2-year degree. No, it isn’t that impressive, but I now run a very successful photography company and have no debt. I’m pretty impressed with myself. I did what MOST people said wasn’t likely. (MIDDLE FINGER)

Rule 3. Know your place as the wife.

After I got married, I took a step back (in time). I let my husband take the lead and work. Obviously.

I was under the impression that a good place for a woman was at home, serving her family and raising her child/children. “Cool,” I thought. “I can do that.” I found myself bored and unfulfilled. PS. Before some of you get mad, I’m not saying all people would be bored or unfulfilled. I had a passion once. I was independent, I was strong, and I had a voice. I lost that. Truthfully, it was no one’s fault but my own.

I realized I tried to become what was expected of me, even though it was 100% not what was best for me—not to mention that my husband will tell you he married me because I do speak my mind and chase my own dreams. So I decided to start pursuing my passion, photography. Deep down I knew that if I was fulfilled, then my family would benefit, too. (MIDDLE FINGER)

Rule 4. The man always is the breadwinner.

By the time my son was 5, I had been watching my husband come home at the end of his workday tired, defeated, bored, and uninspired. He was just over what his life had become. He’d get up, go to work just as the sun came up, and was home by sunset. (Because that’s what you do as the man. Duh.) At the end of the day he needed some time alone to just breathe, but his family needed to see him. It was an unfair scenario all the way around.

As a child, I watched my dad go to work just to pay bills, and he was miserable. It was painful to watch, so I promised I’d never do that myself or to the person I married (because, naturally, I was supposed to get married.)

Having decided that this wasn’t going to work for us, I asked my husband to quit his job, and I would go full time with photography. This meant I would be the sole provider, which scared the shit out of me. But it was time for him to take a break and focus on his dreams as well. We have always wanted to give each other a space to create our respective passion, thus making space for each other to be more than what we would be alone. (MIDDLE FINGER)

Rule 5. Put your kids in the best school possible.

Going full time as a wedding photographer, I lost nearly all of my weekends. Sam had just started kindergarten, and I was never seeing him. WTF? What was the point of living my dream if I never got to see and share my life with him? If I let things continue, I’d lose out on one of the most important relationships.

Sometimes the American Dream can actually lead us away from what we truly want. It can lead us to needing or wanting more, more, more. And we need extra money for “more.” So how do we get more money? We separate ourselves from the ones we love… to give them more. None of the “more” will ever replace the love I want to give in my relationships. (Yikes. That was a lot of the word “more.”)

So once again I decided I was going to change a few more of the rules. It was time to homeschool my son. Luckily my husband has an English degree and is perfect for homeschooling. Although I don’t have a fancy degree, I still share the load with him. I never dreamt I’d be homeschooling my kiddo, but it works for me, for our little family.

I grew up thinking I wanted to make lots of money so that I could have everything I wanted. But then I realized that money can’t buy what I truly want. I live in a small house in a modest area, we drive one car, we don’t splurge on many extras, and I LOVE MY LIFE. I mean sure, some days are really hard, but that’s to be expected.

Ultimately, I really hope that as far back as my son can remember, he will learn through example that he has freedom to chase his dreams—and that his dreams can be whatever he wants them to be, not what has been prescribed to him by society. I want to teach him to give the MIDDLE FINGER.

About the Author

Christina Karst takes pictures, and not just any pictures—they include some real gems. Like once she took pictures of her son doing, you know, normal stuff. Or one time she decided to do underwater photography, even though she holds her breath for a max of 2 seconds. To date, her best work is viewable on Instagram, where she drops the professional gear and uses her phone like everybody else. Christina holds a 33-year degree in dealing with life. She’s as special as anyone with the dedication to read a bio this long.