Not fond of surprises, we found out the sex of our first baby as soon as we were able to. I still can’t fathom how people can go through their entire pregnancy without knowing the gender…by choice. I remember the appointment like it was yesterday. I was 12 weeks, 5 days pregnant and during our first abdominal ultrasound they uttered the words, “It’s a BOY!”
My husband threw his hands up in the air with satisfaction, like he’d accomplished his goal. Upon hearing the news, my mind immediately went to visions of sports, and eventually becoming a soccer mom. I was excited and absolutely okay with this. You see, I grew up with a brother and sports were in my blood. Soccer, softball, volleyball, gymnastics, basketball, tennis, flag football, cheerleading…I tried them all. Perhaps I was meant to be a mom of boys.
We started Liam in soccer when he was just 3 and a 1/2 years old. I was so excited! Did you catch that? I was so excited about my son playing soccer, him not so much. The season went ok, but it was often a struggle getting there. Many times tears were shed. I determined it was because he was so young. He would grow to love soccer, I was sure of it.
Next up was tennis camp in the summer. It was less than an hour a day for only one week, but seemed like too much. Once again I justified it by his young age. Soon after turning 4, I decided he was ready to try another sport. Determined to find something he enjoyed, we signed him up for basketball. Our hope hinged on the fact that he was a little older, more mature, and a friend was on his team. Surely he’d like it. Nope, another bust.
Feeling disappointed, I signed him up for t-ball with nervous anticipation. I’d spent countless hours of my childhood on the baseball diamond and badly wanted the same for him. The following day I revealed to him that I’d signed him up for t-ball. Now 4 and 1/2 years old, he responded, “I hope that’s not like baseball, because I don’t like that.” Wait, what?!? Followed by, “I don’t like sports.” I was crushed.
So is he just young or does he have other strengths and interests besides sports? Selfishly I was trying to make him into something he wasn’t. He has always had an affinity for creating things. He loves to write and draw and color and build. He enjoys making three dimensional objects. He is happiest creating things for other people. He prides himself on this and brags that he’s artistic or an engineer. He’s obsessed with Science, and loves making up his own experiments. All along he was letting me know what his interests were, I just wasn’t listening. Through him I learned to be a better mom by respecting him and seeing him as an individual.
5 Keys to Embracing your Child’s Strengths
– Listen to them and hear what they’re saying
– Be encouraging and accept them for who they are
– Focus on their strengths
– Celebrate their differences
– Avoid sibling comparisons
Does this mean we won’t continue sports with him? Not necessarily. But it does mean that we’ll include other activities like art classes or music lessons or things he’s interested in. Shame on me for assuming he would love sports because he was a boy or just because I did. This summer he attended an Art Camp and a Science Camp, which he loved. And we actually just registered him for soccer…upon his request. As he approaches 5, I will let him lead the way and value his opinions.
I’m excited to watch him grow and develop as he finds his unique self. I’m growing to love his strengths, even if they’re not what I’d envisioned them to be. Stay tuned for my follow up post: Fostering your Child’s Creativity.
As a mom of a little girl who only wore and played with trains for more than a year, I can completely relate to having to listen to what they want, not to what you want them to do. Great post!