Are You a Selfish Mom?

During all the excitement of the New Year, it was inspiring to hear other moms proclaim “Me” as their word to embrace. Their goal was to focus on themselves instead of putting their needs and happiness last. The concern was brought up, however, that this word translated to “selfish.”

ARE YOU A SELFISH MOM_

If you are afraid to appear selfish, think about how much you do for others compared to what you do for yourself. Is there a good amount of balance in place? Living a well-balanced life is an important factor in being happy. I think the root of the problem is that the scale often tips to one side for many parents, throwing off the balance, and causing them to desire more “Me” time.

Seesaw

Like those other moms, I want to achieve personal happiness and make time for activities that I enjoy. The word that I think fits well for myself is “balance.”

I don’t have all the answers, I’m trying to figure it out myself but I do believe a good place to start in order to achieve balance is to add at least one thing that can offer YOU more personal time regularly, or remove something that gets in its way.

Find Your Balance

The one addition I made this year is that I decided to begin graduate school. Initially, it was for self-fulfillment but in the end, my kids will also reap the rewards. Things that make us happy, though, may require a balancing act. I’m aware that with this new commitment I need to maintain the delicate balance of being a student along with fulfilling my role as mom and wife.

I’m sure it will be challenging but that’s okay with me. In fact, if it isn’t challenging, I would question if I’m actually human! I’m thrilled to start this new journey, knowing that it is a new adventure for my entire family. I feel more inspired to take it on as a mom instead of if I did it prior to having kids. Now, I have my two children who are my inspiration for tackling this goal, to cheer me on, and watch me every step of the way.

Are You Selfish to Want More?

I spend the majority of my days fulfilling my obligations and making sure my kids’ needs and even my husband’s needs are the priority, all while rarely doing something outside of my family life.  I think this happens to many of us moms for the obvious reasons–we love our kids and we’re embracing our responsibilities as adults and parents.

Then, there is the previously mentioned reason for why we tend to push aside our wants and needs.  It’s the reason that may weigh on the back of our minds, the one we are afraid to be accused of–once you’re a mom, you are selfish to want more, or to do things that do not include your kids, or that having a spouse and kids should be enough to make you happy.

For many of us, we are happy. Sure, there are times when our kids drive us crazy but we’re aware that those bad days are all part of life as a parent. That is not what I’m implying or what I think these other moms meant by wanting this year to be more focused on themselves. It is that motherhood on its own may not make us happy enough; the lack of focus on ourselves is what we desire to feel completely fulfilled.

Fill Your Cup First

Is that selfish? As long as you can find a way that works for you and your family to fit in what you consider fulfilling, then, no, you are not selfish. You are human!

I think it’s important to nurture your needs especially when you’re a parent. Our kids bring us joy but we have the right to seek happiness that does not come entirely from just raising our children.

You can’t effectively care for others if your own cup is empty.

Refill your cup(1)

No matter what you choose to add or take away this year to reach your overall happiness, the awareness your kids have that “It makes Mommy happy” should encourage you to do it.

“Mommy, Are You Happy or Sad?”

I’m not suggesting to completely neglect your kids or other responsibilities for the sake of your happiness! Just remember that your kids do want you to be happy and that you lead by example. My kids ask me if I’m sad when they see the frustrated or stressed out expression on my face. They want to let me know that they notice something is wrong. They usually ask if there’s anything they can do.

Likewise, when they sense I’m happy, they feed off the energy and are happy too. The beauty behind your happiness is that it creates a domino effect, nourishing the family’s well-being as a whole!

Bernadyn
Bernadyn is a Jacksonville native who loves the beach, sun, chocolate, and coffee. She met her husband while she was in college at the University of North Florida. They have two kids (6 and 9). When she became a mom, she began her freelance writing career. She wrote for various publications while writing for her blog, B is 4. Her writing and blog led her to become an influencer, which opened up doors to collaborate with other businesses, such as Ink Link Marketing, US Family Guide, and Vanity Fair. During this time, she discovered her passion for marketing and social media. She recently started a new chapter in her life by returning to school to pursue her graduate degree in English, specializing in Rhetoric and Composition. She also returned to working outside the home. She now works as a copywriter and social media coordinator for a publishing company. In her free time, you can find her spending time outdoors, searching for more chocolate or coffee, and finding new adventures to do with her family. Her greatest lesson she has learned as a mom is that time is precious and that there is always something new to learn from your kids.

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