One of our favorite hobbies as a couple is whipping up some tasty recipes. Anyone who has been in the kitchen knows that some recipes are harder to execute than others, but with trial and error, patience, and practice, I believe any recipe can be perfected in its own way. Sometimes, the secret ingredient is in the sauce. Marriage to me is the same as a recipe: it takes all those ingredients to create your own successful marriage. After celebrating our tenth wedding anniversary with all its ups and downs, I think I’m unraveling the secret sauce of what makes a happy successful marriage. However, we know that we still have loads to learn to perfect our recipe!
Our decade together has been filled with plenty of cooking (and eating), combined with good and bad times, laughter, and joy. A lot has changed from that first moment we laid eyes on one other. The one thing that has remained the same is our persistence to keep the fire going in our relationship. A few ways we do that is by bringing it back to the beginning by using marriage techniques we’ve learned in pre-marital counseling.
Remain Focused on the Life You’re Building Together
I’m thankful we were required to attend pre-marital counseling or I may not have done it. Like baking a cake, your marriage needs a solid foundation to stand on — love and trust. The classes encouraged us to focus on the life we planned to build after the wedding day to nurture that foundation, leading me to an important reminder after exchanging those sacred words of “I do.”
Change is Inevitable, Find Ways to Keep the Fire Lit
We were warned that changes in marriage are inevitable. Tweaking the recipe may be needed when the ingredients in your marriage shifts, such as mixing in a couple of kids and sleep deprivation. The result can be a disastrous combination that’s sure to cut through those romantic notions, slightly adding a bitter taste! That’s when you need to be more proactive about maintaining the romance. We continue to go on dates; communicate about everything from our feelings to world affairs; volunteer together; find new hobbies and activities to share, and keep the flames fueled in the bedroom!
Team Work Makes the Dream Work
Our pre-marital classes also emphasized teamwork. During an argument, they advised us to face each other, hold hands, and express how we felt hurt instead of placing direct blame on the other person. “If one of you wins, you both lose.” You’re not always going to agree about what flavors you like but coming to a reasonable compromise makes you both feel like winners for the sake of your team, which includes your kids. Also, maintain a unified front as a team in front of everyone, especially your children!
The Secret Sauce in a Successful Marriage
So, what’s the key to unlocking the secret to a successful marriage? It’s not really a secret and it’s how you define a successful marriage. For us, we understand that marriage doesn’t mean happiness every second. Everything in life ebbs and flows. Acknowledge that marriage takes work like keeping a car running or nurturing a close bond with your kids. Continually sprinkle in important ingredients to form a solid marriage batter like remain kind, generous, and grateful toward one another.
The Beauty of a Marriage Renewal
If you feel like you need to refresh your marriage, consider taking a marriage renewal or go on a retreat. Nearly five years into our marriage, we attended a weekend marriage renewal to strengthen our relationship before adding baby number two to the team. The couple’s exercise that impacted us the most was when we held hands with our eyes closed as we envisioned our future and our aging bodies while reminiscing on our years together. Hearing the sniffles from the other couples made it hard to stifle back our own emotions as we considered the ultimate goal to remain married in the end.
I think the quote above is a good way to look at marriage; that it’s a process that develops over time, similar to that five-star recipe. If feelings of endearment sweep over you as you visualize growing old with your partner, then it’s probably worth the efforts to find ways to keep finding happiness in your relationship, which is what keeps us going as we enter into our next decade together!
Here’s a great post on ways to check in on your marriage.
What are some techniques you use to maintain your relationship?