New Year, New You: Life Lessons Courtesy of Mariah Carey

I had already done the “kiddie countdown” with sparkling water and cheap party hats at around 9 p.m. and was snuggled under a blanket in my holiday pajamas with a glass of Prosecco, dangerously close to putting 2016 to bed, when it hit me. One accidental click of the remote, and I would have missed an important  part of pop culture history — the traditional New Year’s Eve concert just before the glittering ball drop. No matter who runs the show, be it NYE newbie Ryan Seacrest or Dick Clark (R.I.P.), that TV spot must be every entertainer’s dream. Sadly, it quickly turned into a nightmare for pop star Mariah Carey, but luckily for us, her performance can be easily dissected into a series of life lessons for 2017,  ensuring that your New Year starts off far better than hers.

Thanks to Mariah, we are reminded to always…

Let’s do this, dahlings! ??❤️ [regram @songbirdsuprememariah ] #NYRE @officialnyre #happynewyear #rockineve

A video posted by Mariah Carey (@mariahcarey) on

Dress For Success: This rule applies no matter what your 2017 resolution is. First impressions are huge, so choose wisely. A friendly reminder? The Pantone color of the year is Greenery, not to be confused with nude, bare and/or flesh tones. Mariah’s dazzling and dramatically high-cut ode-to-Jane Fonda leotard choice was literally a showstopper. In fact, maybe the “Heartbreaker” songstress should blame that dreadful flesh-toned bodysuit for the debacle instead of the sound guys. As we enter 2017, it seems like a fitting time (pun intended) to revisit the ol’ saying, “Less is more.” In real-world fashion, do not interpret this as literally as poor Mimi did. A good rule of thumb is to cover at least three-fourths of your body, especially in the dead of winter in New York. Highlighting your ass-ets is not a bad idea, just choose which ones wisely, rather than flaunting, oh, all of them. Pay attention to the weather, and if everyone else is wearing fur coats (shoutout to Mel B.), scarves and — I don’t know, maybe pants? — then one may want to leave the barely there bodysuit at home.  And if the s**t hits the fan and all you have left is your outfit, don’t you want it to be visible? Let’s leave the nudie suits back in 2003 circa Britney Spears’ “Toxic” music video.

Getting ready for the ball drop on @officialNYRE! Are you watching, #Lambily? #rockineve @ryanseacrest

A photo posted by Mariah Carey (@mariahcarey) on


The Show Must Go On: When things don’t go as planned, be an adult and roll with it. Even if you think you’ve earned it, don’t be a diva. Mariah, you are a multi-platinum recording artist with 20-plus Billboard Music Awards, five GRAMMYs and a bazillion other fancy trophies. More importantly, Mimi, did you forget that you are mother? A mother of multiples for goodness sake. How dare you tarnish our image by acting as if you just don’t know how to adapt! We moms major in the unexpected. Things never go our way, but we turn lemons into lemonade, we ride unicorns over rainbows, and we make everything come up roses, got it? When your list of professional accolades go on and on, then so should you, whether you hear the music or not. If your stripper-slash-dancer tries to lead you through choreography, you follow. Heck, if it were me, I would have crowd-surfed or pulled a fan up onstage to help.  A mother knows there are life vests in every situation just waiting to save you if you look hard enough. This is not a tough gig, Mariah. The majority of your audience on New Year’s Eve — both in person and at home — was likely borderline inebriated. Our performance standards were at an all-time low. Rolling with the punches isn’t rocket science, and we expected the same from you that we expect of our kids. Just TRY!

Shit happens ? Have a happy and healthy new year everybody!? Here’s to making more headlines in 2017 ?

A video posted by Mariah Carey (@mariahcarey) on


Make No Excuses: Note to self: EVERYONE MAKES MISTAKES. Don’t let the post-disaster reaction be a catastrophe, too. Sure, sometimes it’s a good idea to make fun of yourself because others probably will anyway. It will keep you grounded and could act as damage control. After the confetti settled, there was only on thing Mariah could have done, should have done, to save face — and that’s to simply own up to her personal implosion. For a second, it looked like she might, when her mildly profane but highly relatable post hit social media. She poked fun at herself, noting that this poor performance might bring her publicity in the New Year. Genius! Who doesn’t love a little teasing and self deprecation? But she couldn’t leave well enough alone. Her reps went on a PR crusade, blaming ABC, the sound crew… anyone and everyone but Mariah herself. Almost a week later, she is still trying to explain her way out of it. At the end of the day, she is a 25-year icon of the music industry who simply couldn’t just roll with it. Unacceptable.

Bounce Back: If you screw up by ignoring the aforementioned valuable advice, never fear. Life always offers second chances, and this one’s for you, Mimi! Find a personal mantra to get you through the hard times. Meditate on an inspirational quote as you lick your wounds and lay low. When you are finally ready to face the world again, go for it! Sure, we may temporarily make fun of you, but don’t worry. It is only a matter of time until someone else will screw up, and you’ll be long forgotten. (Ryan Lochte, who?) Might I suggest these encouraging lyrics from our favorite diva’s  GRAMMY-winning song, “Hero”:

And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you’ll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you.

Wishing you a very happy new year, and may it be your best year yet — no matter what happens!

Mary Lauren Eubank
Mary-Lauren is a curly-haired Texan in the trenches of motherhood with two sassy and entertaining daughters. A busy body in the truest sense, she teaches fitness classes all week at Define Jacksonville. To stay sane, Mary-Lauren requires a daily dose of dark chocolate, unwinds with a page-turner and folds laundry watching just the kind of reality TV that she will forbid her girls from watching in the future. A wannabe foodie, she loves to learn about, prepare, experiment and indulge in all things food…well except the shopping part with kids in tow. She blogs about all things fitness from debunking the latest trends to goal setting, Mary-Lauren is passionate about being active, being real and being healthy!

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